Limerence. It is what we call "falling in love". Well, it may be a little more than that and the definition actually involves behavior based on reciprocated feelings, but that's for another time. Basically, what I'm talking about is that time when we are so infatuated with someone new that we would do anything to be around them. Like when I met my now husband, I would have gone anywhere at any time for a chance to see him. I think I thought that I was "in love". But, back then it really wasn't love at all. It was selfish infatuation. Because I wasn't really sacrificing for the sake of him. When we are infatuated, we are sacrificing for our own benefit so that we can have that "feeling" of love. True love starts when limerence fades. When the butterflies are fewer and farther between. We don't "fall out of love". We "fall out of infatuation" and that's when we really have the opportunity to choose to love someone. To sacrifice when we don't get a feeling out of it. With no ulterior motives.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Does love sound like a feeling? It sounds more like sacrifice and hard work to me. But like most hard work, there's payoff.
The difference with motherhood, is that I was in love from the start, even alongside infatuation. I sacrifice daily for her and would go to the ends of the earth for her. I stare at her and adore every expression and discovery she makes. But, I feel like motherhood has finally set in. The newness is fading and I'm actually starting to feel like a mom. Some days it's hard to be patient and persevere, but my love for her keeps growing and The Lord gives me strength.
Although, there are still those days, like today. I have a glorious moment of disbelief. I think to myself "i have a daughter..."
and once again I get that feeling that reminds me that I was once utterly infatuated. I look at her and can't believe half of my husband and half of me is wrapped up into one little beautiful person staring back at me. I get butterflies in my tummy and giggles that bubble up and out of my mouth as I sink into the present moment.
Here's to love.
Here's to motherhood.
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